Have you ever wondered why you sometimes react to situations the way that you do?

Do you tend to lash out at those you love?

Do you self-censor and try not to upset the apple cart?

Do you bury yourself in work?

Do you scrolling for hours on facebook and instagram?

Or do you drown your feelings in a gallon of Cherry Garcia ice cream while watching re-runs of Grace and Frankie for an entire weekend?

One of the things that we want to recognize, is that we all have circumstances or relationships in our life that cause us to be triggered. Triggers cause us to move out of this state of that warm, present cozy, state of connection to ourselves and push us into our safety patterns such as fight, flight and freeze.

When we are triggered, we are in our survival brain-literally trying to survive whatever is happening outside of ourselves that we deem as potentially dangerous. Our rational thinking brain is turned 'off line' making it really challenging for us to respond in a way that is connecting and healthy. Often, we respond by shutting down, walking on egg shells, criticizing, demanding, or simply avoiding.

Triggers can actually be a beautiful thing-because they show us where some of our deepest work lies. They can be a pretty awesome invitation to go inward and heal old wounds, untrue thoughts and unmet needs. The triggers you experience hold so much incredible feedback.

They're really your key to understanding your healing.

In this episode I talk about understanding your triggers and your glimmers-those things that bring you back home to yourself. I share with you plenty of ideas to get you started creating your own glimmer list, but I invite you to create your own so that you can learn exactly what glimmers or resources help you regulate your nervous system and come back home to you.

Before listening consider:

Do you snap easily at people?

Do you find yourself sometimes questioning why you behave or react in the way that you do?

Are you craving healthier more intimate connection with others?

Do you often run from one activity to the next?

Do you sometimes isolate for days or weeks?

Do you sometimes feel resentful in your relationships?

These can all be signs of triggers. And while triggers are not fun-I can honestly say that they are a gift.

"Glimmers help you come back home to yourself. They create a sense of safety and connection to yourself."~Krista Resnick

"When we don't know how to move through conflict, and be in the discomfort of our dysregulation. It's almost impossible to have rich relationship." ~Krista Resnick

"There's a lot of important information in our triggers, I want you to start thinking about triggers being your new invitation to go inward."~ Krista Resnick

"The triggers you experience hold so much feedback. They're really your key to understanding your healing."~Krista Resnick

LINKS FROM EPISODE

FAWN to FIERCE

Krista Resnick

Afton Brazzoni is the founder of Scribe National, where she and her team have the pleasure of helping billion-dollar companies and solopreneurs alike with their marketing. After 10 years working in marketing and communications roles, Afton launched Scribe National in 2019. Since then, they've helped over 50 clients worldwide unleash their brilliance through the written word.

Afton knows the struggle of boundaries in business. She says that she considers herself to be a bit of a people pleaser -which is common for many of us-we want to be liked, we don’t necessarily want to upset anyone. When Afton was building her business, there was a time period where she felt she needed to be a bit more fluid with her boundaries. However, she also understood what she was building and that she had no desire to make this a long term situation. She believes that establishing boundaries with yourself, clients, and team members as well as setting expectations and communicating those expectations are all essential skills that one must learn to really master entrepreneurship.

Before listening to this episode consider....

Do you struggle with boundaries in your life and business?

Do you believe that boundaries are selfish, mean and cold-hearted?

Do you feel like something is ‘off’ if you don’t feel overwhelmed?

Are you constantly filling your calendar space with busyness?

Do you want your life to appear outwardly as if you’ve got it all together?

At a certain point Afton said enough is enough! She recognized that what she needed to do was actually address boundaries in all areas of her life. It wasn’t easy-and even a bit messy, but Afton mentioned in the interview how incredibly rewarding it was.

I can attest that there hasn’t been too many things that have pushed my edges out quite like entrepreneurship (well, of course motherhood). It can be easy to lose yourself in client demands, expectations and wanting to serve with a heart of excellence. Its easy to sometimes blur boundary lines.

In this episode, Afton shares her personal journey and struggles of setting boundaries in her work and business. She had to redefine what it meant to set a healthy boundary and how those boundaries would be of benefit to her long term.

Boundaries are one of the best things we can do to protect our peace, our energy, our lifeforce. But you have to trust yourself in order to set them-if you’re solid in yourself-your boundaries become clear and honest.

“Setting a boundary feels uncomfortable, but not setting one actually also causes a great deal of discomfort as well” ~ Afton Brazzoni

“I don't believe that anybody is a people pleaser. I believe that there's a part of them that uses people pleasing as a protective strategy to feel approved of, to perhaps have some control so that they in essence, stay safe.” ~Krista Resnick

“Boundary work is worth doing the work.” ~Afton Brazzoni

“When you're doing boundary work what you're really doing is self worth work. You're cleaning out patterns that look like people pleasing, codependency, subordinating, appeasing and placating So, when you begin healing those things is when you can start standing in your truth and lead.” ~Krista Resnick

“Appreciate yourself for doing the work.” ~Afton Brazzoni

FAWN TO FIERCE

AFTON BRAZZONI

This live coaching session is about owning and expressing our truth. Today's caller Laura, has an old childhood pattern coming up of 'going along to get along.' Laura has a big decision to make and is really fearful of what other's may think of her choice and the potential impact it could have. As you will hear in this show, Laura refers to herself as an 'oops baby.' The youngest of four siblings, Laura was constantly drug to her older sisters event and activities. By the time Laura came along-her parents were tired. She believed she was an inconvenience to her family and as a result she felt a lot of shame and as if she was a a burden to others.

Guilt and shame prevent us from being able to honor our truth, needs and feelings. We wind up being in-authentic and hiding our truth, which can leave us feeling resentful. Needs are not a weak thing to have. But because Laura was so accustomed to playing small and not wanting to be a burden, it almost felt wrong for her to rise up and express what she needed. Please hear me say...it is OK to choose something that may feel selfish but is self-honoring and in the best interest of those involved.

When it comes to relationships, it can be hard and messy to not let guilt get involved when it comes to our decision making. Most of us don't like that thought of hurting those we care about but when we allow guilt and obligation to make our decisions for us-we aren't making choices that in the highest good of everyone involved.

Our needs extend much beyond things like survival. We need human connection, adventure, play just to name a few. It doesn't make you weak to have these needs. It makes you human. Part of Laura's work will be to acknowledge and express her needs. It doesn't make her wrong-it doesn't even mean that the other person will agree to her needs, but owning and acknowledging what it is that we need is our truth. And our truth cannot be denied.

Consider:

Do you struggle to know what you want and need?

Is asking for help a challenge for you?

Do you dim your light or play small to make it more convenient for others.

Does your mind spin out in what if’s?

Do you overtake responsibility for other people and their happiness?

Do you treat people like they are fragile?

Where are you going along to get along?

Laura's question :

Laura is faced with a decision to relocate but at the cost of not being near her mother which she has spent the past two years building a beautiful and healthy relationship with. She feels selfish for wanting this, she feels guilty for taking her son far from her mother.

Laura's a-ha's:

Being authentically who I am is not doing anything wrong

The difference between a healthy responsibility VS and OVER-TAKING of responsibility.

When my mind spins out in what if's answer them

It's not her responsibility to manage other people's feelings.

Where in your life are you not expressing yourself? Where do you feel selfish for simply having a human need? Look at where certain needs in your life aren't being met and make yourself accountable for having a clarifying conversation

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From Fawn to Fierce

This time of year always brings up such conflicting feelings for me. There is the part of me that much like the leaves dying and falling from the trees, longs to surrender and let go of old patterns, behaviors and habits that are no longer serving me.

And then, there are the parts of me that want to dive into the harvest and move quickly. To say YES to opportunities and experiences, and give and serve.

What I have learned about boundary work is that it is deeply sacred. It is the art of learning how to truly say YES to yourself. Many of us were raised believing that boundaries and saying yes to yourself was selfish. I'm here to say that it's not. While I know this can rattle a lot of feathers and kick up a lot of dust, it is truth that you were made to claim the life that God has for you and it begins by paying attention to the parts of yourself that are worn out, exhausted, overwhelmed and resentful.

Fall is a perfect reminder that it is good and healthy to let go of meeting the constant demands and requests of others and slowly and gently begin to place the focus on ourselves and our needs, dreams, desires and wishes. Yes we were made to be in community and connection with others, which does present the confusion around how do I know when I've gone too far? But it is when we start asking that very question-how do I know that i've gone too far, that we've probably gone too far. Shame is often what drives us to put our feet on the gas pedal and keep going, placate, subordinate and people please.

But before the world dumped it's shame on you-God said you were good. He said you were designed in HIS image. You are not broken, you are HIS and HE SAYS you are GOOD. You are worth your best yes!