108: Live Coaching: Living your Truth with Laura
This live coaching session is about owning and expressing our truth. Today's caller Laura, has an old childhood pattern coming up of 'going along to get along.' Laura has a big decision to make and is really fearful of what other's may think of her choice and the potential impact it could have. As you will hear in this show, Laura refers to herself as an 'oops baby.' The youngest of four siblings, Laura was constantly drug to her older sisters event and activities. By the time Laura came along-her parents were tired. She believed she was an inconvenience to her family and as a result she felt a lot of shame and as if she was a a burden to others.
Guilt and shame prevent us from being able to honor our truth, needs and feelings. We wind up being in-authentic and hiding our truth, which can leave us feeling resentful. Needs are not a weak thing to have. But because Laura was so accustomed to playing small and not wanting to be a burden, it almost felt wrong for her to rise up and express what she needed. Please hear me say...it is OK to choose something that may feel selfish but is self-honoring and in the best interest of those involved.
When it comes to relationships, it can be hard and messy to not let guilt get involved when it comes to our decision making. Most of us don't like that thought of hurting those we care about but when we allow guilt and obligation to make our decisions for us-we aren't making choices that in the highest good of everyone involved.
Our needs extend much beyond things like survival. We need human connection, adventure, play just to name a few. It doesn't make you weak to have these needs. It makes you human. Part of Laura's work will be to acknowledge and express her needs. It doesn't make her wrong-it doesn't even mean that the other person will agree to her needs, but owning and acknowledging what it is that we need is our truth. And our truth cannot be denied.
Consider:
Do you struggle to know what you want and need?
Is asking for help a challenge for you?
Do you dim your light or play small to make it more convenient for others.
Does your mind spin out in what if’s?
Do you overtake responsibility for other people and their happiness?
Do you treat people like they are fragile?
Where are you going along to get along?
Laura's question :
Laura is faced with a decision to relocate but at the cost of not being near her mother which she has spent the past two years building a beautiful and healthy relationship with. She feels selfish for wanting this, she feels guilty for taking her son far from her mother.
Laura's a-ha's:
Being authentically who I am is not doing anything wrong
The difference between a healthy responsibility VS and OVER-TAKING of responsibility.
When my mind spins out in what if's answer them
It's not her responsibility to manage other people's feelings.
Where in your life are you not expressing yourself? Where do you feel selfish for simply having a human need? Look at where certain needs in your life aren't being met and make yourself accountable for having a clarifying conversation
LINKS FROM EPISODE: