The importance of facing your Loneliness
Do you feel isolated? Are you craving more connection?
Are you in a marriage or relationship where you feel isolated? Do you feel like you are dependent on your partner or you are living according to their dreams and desires more than your own?
Are you a people-pleaser? Do you have a hard time making your needs a priority?
Do you find it challenging to speak your truth?
No one wants to feel lonely. And yet, every single person at some point and time does. I want to encourage you that there is information in your loneliness that is begging to be heard.
Loneliness was an epidemic way before 2020 hit. As our culture is shifting, we’ve become more isolated. Many of us don’t live in community or have a sense of belonging. We get most or all of our connection to others via social media or video meetings.
Loneliness, along with anxiety, is one of the most common human emotions. Did you know that nearly half of Americans report feeling lonely or a sense of emptiness in their relationships?
But do you know what really perpetuates that feeling of loneliness? Disconnection from ourselves. Being hard on ourselves. Judging ourselves. Stuffing down or numbing our emotions because we don’t know how to properly work with them. Ignoring our own needs in order to meet the needs of others.
So why do you perpetuate our loneliness and what can we do about it?
Chronic loneliness often stems from childhood wounds or trauma. Have you ever felt disconnected from yourself or God? Do you sometimes feel lonely even when you are in a group of people?
If so, it is very possible that you learned to connect from protective parts of yourself rather than your true core self. The protective parts of you are the parts that want to please, perfect and perform to win other’s approval. Rest assured though, these parts have pure and good intentions. It is very likely that they’ve helped you survive.
These parts have worked hard for you, pushing you to prove yourself, please others or perform for approval and accolades. However, if you remain oblivious to these parts of you and allow them to keep driving you, it will be nearly impossible to create the intimacy and true connection in your relationships that you are really looking for.
You will experience more of the love and connection you desire by helping those parts of you to soften a bit and trust that the real you is worth knowing. The you that is good and whole. The you that is enough and worthy. The you that God is pleased and satisfied with just as she is.
𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐱 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐰𝐞 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐣𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐲 𝐭𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐩𝐬. 𝐖𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐝𝐰𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.
Please hear me say that your loneliness isn’t your fault. It may be that you were brought up in an enmeshed or toxic family, that you struggled to connect with your peers, or were part of a marginalized group. Instead of beating yourself up for your loneliness, tap into compassion and curiosity toward that part of you that still carries that pain. It’s a cue that some part of you maybe never felt seen, heard, or accepted.
Remember, awareness is always the first step toward healing. You were designed for connection—it makes sense that this lonely part of you is showing up to get your attention.
Curiosity is your superpower when it comes to loneliness (or any thought/emotion that you aren’t comfortable feeling).
𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚 𝐟𝐞𝐰 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐚𝐬𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝:
𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐨 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲?
𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐝𝐨 𝐈 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲?
𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬?
𝐖𝐡𝐚𝐭’𝐬 𝐚𝐧 𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐝?
Be honest with yourself in whatever answers present. (and your answers might be surprising to you).
Remember, each step that you face toward your loneliness is a step toward building connection with yourself, God and others.
If you struggle with forging healthy relationships in your life, please reach out and schedule a discovery call to see if we might be a good fit in working together to help you work with your loneliness and building the intimacy you are craving.