Are relationship triggers really what we think they are?

Much of our wounding (if not all) comes from past relationships.

Therefore, most healing also takes place through relationships.

I used to get so triggered by people and not understand that those very triggers were opportunities for my growth.

They were gifted to me as part of my healing. They were part of my soul curriculum.

Instead of losing a whole day, week or month being upset and 'triggered,' I could now look at those triggers and see what was underneath that needed my tending to.

I don't know what it is for you-Perhaps it was your mom who made you feel not good enough because of her laundry list of expectations of how you were supposed to look and act.

Perhaps it was your sister's constant putdowns and sarcasm that made you feel like you never measured up.

Maybe it was just a general sense of emotional supression in the home-feelings are not to be discussed-no warmth, no emotion, just work hard because "money doesn't grow on trees you know..."

Maybe it was the kids on the playground who started a club and told you that you weren't allowed in because it was only for the 'cool kids.'

Or maybe it was the lack of your Dad's presence in the home-perhaps he was emotionally unavailable and his distance and lack of communication caused you to question your worth in the world.

These relationships in our childhood years create our belief systems which dictate how we show up in the world. They teach us how to love and parent ourselves and even create the relationships we call in later in our lives. (many times this is at a subconscious level).

I am asked constantly as a coach how to deal with toxic relationships-how do I kick so and so to the curb or back away from this group or that family member? While this IS a great a totally valid question, I think the better opportunity here is to look at what is the opportunity to heal and grow from this relationship.

When we are triggered by a person, it almost always is a nudge from the past.(note: if this relationship is abusive or severely toxic-please RUN).

Here are 4 questions you can ask yourself for discovery when you are being triggered by another person

1). What is this person bringing up from the past?

2). What emotion or feeling am I experiencing as a result of being triggered by this person?

3). How could this trigger be happening right now for my highest good? What could possibly need healing from my past?

4). Who does this remind me of from my past?

Please don't put yourself into isolation because of trauma's from the past. Connection with others is a beautiful thing.

Authenticity, Vulnerability, and Intimacy are superpowers.

Guarding yourself and building a wall to keep people out is certainly understandable if you've been hurt. But it's NOT the way to feel alive. It's not the way to live a life of growth.

As you begin to slow down and really pay attention to the triggers, you will begin to heal and can give yourself permission to experience deep connection, love and intimacy in the very places that you never thought you could.

You Matter,

Krista