105: The Fawn Response-The Real Reason Behind People Pleasing Behavior
When there is any level of conflict in your relationships, what is your reaction? Do you try to quickly make the situation okay, do you please others by placating and stepping over your own boundary lines? Do you find that you walk on egg shells in certain relationships? Do you have a hard time knowing and expressing what you need?
When I first started doing this work, I noticed that I could have every boundary script ready to go, but still fail to set the boundary. I began to piece together that certain people triggered me in a way where I suddenly found myself trading in what I stood for because I was scared to share my truth. I self censored when I wanted to express myself and even though I was practicing my affirmations, I continued to give my power away to those that I thought were more experienced and smarter than me. I came to the conclusion that boundaries were much more nuanced and complicated than saying no.
Conceptually, I understood boundaries, but I knew there was a missing piece.
What I discovered through my own personal journey, research and work is that healing people pleasing and codependency are a lot deeper and more complex than “just say no and set a boundary.” You might be familiar with flight, fight and freeze trauma responses, but there is an additional trauma response that doesn’t get as much publicity. That response is called FAWN and it’s often the root of what people pleasing and codependency are all about.
And believe that if you really want to heal your boundaries, we have to go to the root.
LISTEN TO LEARN
What the fawning pattern is
Why the fawning pattern is KEY to healing boundaries
Symptoms of the fawning pattern
How the fawning pattern might be showing up in your life
Tools to help you stop fawning and start living FREE
Understanding this stress response, changed my life. Once I figured out that I was having a stress response, I could start showing compassion for myself and begin to do the deeper work of healing this pattern.
"When conflict arose, I went into my people pleasing strategy. I acquiesced, I traded in my values for the sake of someone else’s and I often tripped over my own personal boundary for the sake of another’s approval."~Krista Resnick
"If you want to heal your boundaries, you have to go to the root."~Krista Resnick
"People pleasers and codependents despise conflict." ~ Krista Resnick
"Fawning strategies at the root, are nervous attempts to deflect attention." ~Krista Resnick
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