What my 2021 word taught me

“The best of you is the person God wants you to become. It's not about faking who you wish to be or trying to be like someone else. It's about becoming the best of who you are.” ~Alison Cook

This is why in early 2021, I felt the Spirit drop the word INTEGRITY into soul. 

I had stopped choosing a word of the year for the past few years before this, but this word was so strong in my awareness that I knew I had no choice but to honor it.  

I trusted where God would take me with this word and WOW-he did not disappoint.

The definition of Integrity simply is- being honest and the quality or state of being complete or undivided.

I knew that in 2021, if I truly desired some things to change in my life, the first person I needed to get honest with was me.  Honesty is kindness.  And kindness isn’t always nice.  

Say what?

Let me explain.  The first place I needed to start was with some of my own paradigms that were hanging around.  

Love is not always being “nice” or pleasing. However, love is always wise. Love is always KIND.  And being KIND is being HONEST.   I’ve been lucky enough to have some really honest people in my life.  Folks that loved me enough to tell me TRUTH.  Not who wanted to appease me and make me feel good for 2.5 seconds.  

Folks who saw my potential and called me forward when they saw my people pleasing, self abandoning ways.  Folks who saw me ignore my needs and boundaries and weren’t afraid to call me out and call me forward.    

Call me ruthless with my thoughts here, but I actually do not consider this kind.  I actually consider this unkind, dishonest and unloving.  Why?  Because you care more about being uncomfortable than you do speaking truth into my life.  You care more about your own level of discomfort than you do sharing honesty with me.  Honesty and integrity are what connects us in a deep and profound way.  Honesty is what helps us build a successful REAL relationship with one another.  Honesty and integrity go hand in hand.  

I’ve had the privilege of watching many coaches and coaching institutions in the last 5 years be OUTSIDE of integrity.   Many coaches are being pushed through coaching schools or weekend training’s, lacking skills and the healing that is truly required to hold anything and everything for their clients. 

Many are wounded healers, trying to help others, yet refusing to look at and tend to their own struggles and wounds.  Eventually this isn’t sustainable.  This isn’t integrity. It isn’t honest and it isn’t embodying the work required to be a master in this space and really serve people at a deep and sustainable level. Being a part of the industry for 5 years now, I feel  privileged to have seen this upfront first hand so I could take responsibility for how I chose to move forward with this experience and information in my own life.  

I knew I wanted and needed an honest life.  In my opinion, living outside of integrity is not an honest life.  

Now don’t get me wrong-we mask wearers and people pleasers aren’t living a dishonest life on purpose.  We are nice people.  This is often subconscious.  Much of the time, we aren’t even aware we are doing it.  We strive to please you.  We hate it when you’re upset or displeased with us.  And so we enter back into the dance and we use our methods and strategies to once again make you happy and pleased with us.  It’s incredibly uncomfortable to know that YOU are upset and unpleased with us.  For many of us codependents,  it feels like death to know that someone doesn’t like us or is unhappy with our behavior, boundary or opinion.

However, I craved being part of the solution.  Back to these folks who dared to be so bold as to speak truth into my life-i admired them deeply.  I was grateful for their willingness to say the hard thing because it pulled me forward into my own truth.   Deep down, I  knew that I had no business serving and helping others, when there were still pieces of my life that needed tending to.  

Now this doesn’t mean perfection, because perfection doesn’t exist.  However- I'm not signing up for coaching with a relationship coach whose marriage is a mess.  Or a boundaries coach whose boundaries are dishonored, ignored or completely abandoned.  You get the point.  

I think we all want to hire someone with integrity.  We want to hire someone that we know has embodied the work.  We want to learn from someone who doesn’t just have all the book smart answers, but who has gone deep into their patterns and come out on the other side a bit more healed, a tad more conscious and living life in a way that embodies their authenticity and truth.   

Integrity is walking the walk.  Talking the talk.  I crave those people in my life.  

And I crave being that for others.  True Leadership.  

The only way to live an honest life and be in integrity is to heal from the wounding that blocks us from standing in our integrity and truth.  

Owning my recovery from people pleasing and codependency has been the most freeing act of integrity I could imagine.  Owning my recovery means that the masks are ripped free and I can live life as who God made me to be.  Not a version that pleases you or is appealing to you.  It means I can acknowledge my needs and the vision in my heart no matter if anyone understands or not.  

It means being HONEST with myself, my partner, my relationships and with YOU.  It means calling myself out when I acquiesced in a conversation that turned to gossip.  It means stating my boundary when someone hugs me that makes me feel uncomfortable.  It means sharing my opinion at the expense of stuffing my truth just because I know it may make you upset.  

It means calling myself out when I miss my workouts that I said I was going to commit to.  It means owning my screw ups and saying I’m sorry when I’ve criticized or dismissed my partner because I was simply having a foul day.  

When we start to honor and come into integrity with ourselves, we come into who God made us to be.  

Integrity 2021 was a wild ride.  It took me into parts of my own healing that I often didn’t know I needed.  

I feel proud at the way I worked this word in my life.  I feel grateful that God entrusted this word to me at the end of 2020.  I celebrate the places he took me to and through and I am ready to call it complete and move gently and honestly into 2022.  

What about you? If you chose a word of the year in 2021, what did you learn? How will you take those gifts of what you learned and move forward into 2022?

I would love to hear!

You Matter,

Krista