Are you getting the support you REALLY need?
If you are reading this post right now, I’m going to make the assumption that you are a human being. And because you're human, that means we are all part of common humanity. We are all ONE sharing this beautiful world. We are all connected. Together. A part of something. We are all here having a human experience.
This means that you do not have to go through life feeling alone. You do not have to figure things out on your own.
I would not be where I am in my life without my soul family, friends, mentors and coaches. Period. Not having a support system is not even an option for me. I am all about connecting to my own inner coach, higher wisdom and intuition, but I also know when it’s time to reach out for support and ask for the help I need to keep going. When I feel like I want to throw in the towel because my mind is offering me all sorts of garbage on why I’m not good enough my coach reminds me exactly who I am. When I’m tired and unfocused, my clients mirror back to me how much it matters that I rest, breath and get back on track. When I step into self pity or low energy thinking, my soul family meets me with grace and compassion AND reminds me that I’m here to play a bigger game.
Healthy support systems matter when it comes to our overall expansion and wellbeing. We carry so many wounds, traumas, hurts and emotions that can keep us stuck and feeling like we’re spinning our wheels. Having the healthy support of others can really help us tend to those wounds and hurts. Often it’s our soul family and support system that meets us with compassion, wisdom and grace to allow us to heal and keep going.
Today, I wanted to share with you 5 mindsets that may be keeping you stuck from receiving the healthy support you need. My invitation to you is to think about these 5 mindsets and ask yourself, does this feel true for me? Are there any other thoughts or beliefs that you might add to this list? And if I actually believed I was deserving and worthy of getting the support I needed, what would change for me? What results might I experience as a result?
1). “I can’t really be myself around my friends. And I certainly could never be vulnerable and let them know what is really going on.”
Having a soul family as I like to call it, is so foundational to your growth and wellbeing. If you cannot really be your authentic self and share your opinions, and beliefs openly and honestly, then I suggest taking a hard look at that. Do you feel like you are a bit of a chameleon when it comes to your friends, always having to blend, adjust and fit in order to be accepted by the majority. If so, it’s time to really give some thought to why. A soul family is a group of people (not necessarily blood family) who have your best interest and wellbeing at heart. They are the ones who say the things to you that others won’t say in order to really support you and the direction you want to go. To put it simply, a soul family is a group of like-minded people who love, nurture, support, protect and help you to reach your goals. Your soul family loves and sees you as you are
2). “Asking for help makes me feel and look weak.”
We are humans, having a beautiful human experience. Yet most people who have grown up in individualistic cultures like the United States are often raised with the belief that relying on others and asking for help is a burden and makes you seem emotionally weak. Despite these views, there is ultimately very little that any of us do to succeed fully on our own, even if that is hard to acknowledge. You need both independence and dependence—not one or the other. Our need to be alone and to pursue our individual goals must be balanced with our need to be with others, and when necessary, to request help. It’s the blend of having the courage to ask for help, and allowing yourself to be seen.
3). “I hired someone in the past but it actually didn’t feel supportive so I just cannot invest again.”
Unfortunately I do see this in the area of coaching, therapy, healers and guides. Do not allow this to stop you from putting yourself back out there. We’ve all dated that downer of a boyfriend in high school, but that didn’t stop us from getting back out there and dating again. Sometimes you have to give it a few rounds before you find the right fit.
Here are a couple of tips and things to watch for when it comes to investing in professional help:
Avoid anyone who tries to “fix” or push you. A great coach or professional understands that there is nothing wrong with you and you are not broken. They will meet you exactly where you’re at with compassion.
Make sure you do not feel judged. When you are partnering with someone in your personal development journey you want to be seen and heard. Judgment will cut that off immediately. You will not feel safe and in essence shut down to protect yourself.
Make sure you feel safe with the person you fired. A great healer, coach, or therapist has the skillset to create an environment that is growth oriented and nourishing.
Be mindful of healers, coaches, therapists who are running or pushing their own agenda. A highly trained and skilled healer knows that their own agenda has nothing to do with your personal growth.
Trust yourself. If it feels off, it’s probably off. It’s now time to speak up and ask for what you need. It is not however your responsibility that the person who is helping you feels good and okay.
4). “I can’t afford it.”
I wrote another blog post about the real reason why women don’t invest in themselves-check that out here. But bottom line-is that truth or is it just your excuse for why you don’t have professional support in your life? And what is that excuse costing you in terms of peace, profit, productivity and passion in your life?
5). “I’ve been friends with these people for awhile and I just feel so guilty at the thought of letting them go even though they do drain me.”
Human beings want to be emotionally and physically close to each other. Life seems better shared. We crave connection. Many times we simply don’t feel comfortable stepping up and out to create the much needed boundaries in a relationship that doesn’t feel good anymore, because we don’t want to hurt someone's feelings. We feel guilty and cold-hearted for not allowing someone to drain our energy. You don’t have to allow anyone to drain you. You have full permission to say no, we can’t hang out. You have full rights to protect your growth and your energy.
When it comes to friendships, you have full permission to be connected with others who are serious about living their best lives and intentional about their personal growth.
Support is mandatory in your growth and evolution. Choosing to hang out with people who also make that a mandatory part of their journey is going to be one of the best gifts you can give to yourself.
Are you someone who is ready to up your game when it comes to getting the support you need? The best way for you to do that right now is to download my assessment to help you get clarity on where you want to go and what’s blocking you from getting there.
And always remember,
You Matter,
Krista